Tin Foil Diaries Christmas Special by Ant CampbellÂ
So here it is, Christmas is upon us. Mulled wine, bizzies in blankets, suplexing your Uncle Nob Head through the glass kitchen table. Just me yeah? I am the Uncle Nob Head in my House and I donâ€™t have any nieces or nephews. Tell you what, I love Christmas, drinking 24/7 singing Pogues tunes, or Lennon tunes, or singing the Fairytale of New York drum and bass mix in some gasless, windowless gaff in Anfield.
Itâ€™s Christmas time, thereâ€™s no need to be afraid…
as Bono and his merry go round of tax dodging twats sang in the 1980s. I donâ€™t understand that tune at all. The greatest gift theyâ€™ll get this year is life? Greatest gift theyâ€™ll get this year is not having a CD player to listen to that tune. Or having Bonoâ€™s octagon head bouncing round their television listening to his sanctimonious shite. Iâ€™m messing of course. Christmas is sound, and the fact Iâ€™ve made it to see another one is just a bizarre miracle.
Everton are back, we have got rid of that absolute lettuce Koeman and replaced him with Allardyce and his big iceberg shaped kite. We need to rename ourselves Big Samâ€™s Big Blue Snakey Shithouse Bisto Lokomotiv, we are climbing up the table like King Kong climbing up the side of the Empire State Building. What a club.
God knows what 2018 is going to bring, but 2017 was great, it was insane, but it was great. I hope use all have an incredible Christmas, new year and youâ€™re happy, healthy and all that malarkey. Big things to come in 2018 from me and the fellas at Spartacus, big things are coming.
Check out Liverpool Comedian Ant Campbell on Twitter! @acampbell68