From Hero to Zero: The 7 Costly Mistakes You Should Never Make in Bubble Football
What are The Costly Mistakes You Should Never Make in Bubble Football? Get ready to navigate the twists and turns of this unconventional sport as we uncover the seven costly mistakes you should avoid on the field. From putting the zorb on upside down to getting stuck on your back like a befuddled turtle, we’ll explore the comical challenges and unexpected consequences that can turn you from a hero to a zero. So, join us on this laughter-filled journey and discover the wild and gravity-defying world of bubble football!
Putting The Zorb on Upside Down
A common mistake amongst the rookies of the bonkers game. It doesn’t matter how clear the instructions are to the group there is always one plant pot who puts it on upside down.
Why is this bad? Well for one it will be quite uncomfortable (for the bigger boned people in the group especially) and secondly (and most importantly) your head will be popping out the top!
Always ensure the padded part of the straps rests on the top of your shoulders and your head is fully encased and you can’t go wrong!
Getting Stuck on Your Back
Most people take getting back up from the bubble canvas, like a duck to water. Although some of you will resemble a befuddled turtle stuck on their back.
It can take them a little longer to master the art of getting off your ass with a giant inflatable bubble strapped to your back. Fortunately everyone gets the hang of it eventually.
This of course is hilarious to watch for the group (and the instructors). The best technique here is to roll to your front (on your belly), go to your knees, straighten your posture, one leg up first, next leg up and voila your back on your feet. Oh no, someone just knocked you back down. Repeat the process!
Hitting People When They’re on Their Ass
For the reasons mentioned above one rule we introduced was you can’t shove, push or belly flop people when they are on the floor.
This is partly to allow players who are still figuring out the best way to get back up off the bubble canvas and partly so we don’t end up with a pile of zorbs 10 feet high (who you think usually ends up at the bottom of it trying to separate you all. Yeah, you guessed it, the instructors!).
Unless it’s a Roy Keane esc two footed challenge, slide tackling is allowed in traditional football and used commonly for last gasp challenges and goal line clearances.
In bubble football this is not allowed. The slide tackle is replaced by the much more efficient shoulder barge. A shoulder barge that can send the opponent rolling down the pitch faster than a cheese wheel on brownlow hill.
Showboat at your own risk! Flicks, tricks and tipi tapi football just doesn’t seem to transcend into the bonkers game of bubble football, and is likely to get you an aforementioned shoulder barge into the bleachers!
It’s time to get back to basics. Adopt the Sam Alladyce approach. Long balls and hits and hopes are back. Av Ittttttttt!
Aside from Eric Katona’s famous Kung Fu Kick and Maradona’s Hand of God, In traditional football, there is relative sportsmanship. But, what about Zinedannes’ headbut in the World Cup Final? OK, OK, that’s why I said relative!
In Bubble Football, there is ZERO sportsmanship! Good news is the aforementioned kung fu kicks, headbutts and handballs will be ineffective in bubble football as you are encased from head to torso in a giant inflatable bubble. Happy days!
However, this is a game where you need eyes in the back of your head. Once you strap on the famous bubble armour, you will gain superhuman powers, in other words you’ll be able to send your friend to the moon with a one way ticket. The power goes to even the most mild mannered of players. So, be alert at all times and expect the unexpected!
Unsheathing Your Bubble Shield
Not sure what maniac would want to be running around the bubble battlefield without their inflatable zorb shield but let’s air on the side of caution shall we!
These big zorbs cushion all the impact for you. It’s like landing on a giant marshmallow. You can blast your friend 10ft into the air completely guilt free. All great, would you agree?
But what about if my mate blasted me while I wasn’t wearing one? Well the answer is you would send them into orbit. And they would come crashing back to earth about 1000 mph minus the fluffy marshmallow landing.
So, if you want to get out the zorb during gameplay alert the instructor, they will stop the game quickly, allow you to leave the field and then resume. You will then be able to go to the toilet, grab a drink or have a rest without running the risk of being blasted into space.
The Final Whistle
Bubble football is a hilarious and thrilling sport that guarantees plenty of laughter and unforgettable moments. From the rookie mistake of putting the zorb on upside down to the comical struggle of getting back on your feet, the game is full of comedic situations that keep everyone entertained. While showboating and traditional slide tackles may not work in this bonkers game, the absence of sportsmanship and the unexpected superhuman powers make for a wild and unpredictable experience. Just remember to stay inside your zorb, because leaving it behind can result in some gravity-defying consequences. So, gear up, embrace the absurdity, and get ready to dive into the chaos of bubble football! Want to find out more – Bubble Football For Dummies: The Beginners Guide